#I haven’t actually felt physical attraction to them

[himblebo]

Again again thinking

[op1umeyes]

— Lunch Break

— 🫧. Synopsis. Spencer hasn’t been feeling well lately. When he accidentally gives you his lunch as well as yours, you have to leave work to make sure he gets his lunch and eats to make sure he gets better. But the thing is, no one knew Spencer had married someone.

— 🫧. Warnings. Blue!collar reader. Female reader. Collective group shock lmao. Foul language. Welder!reader. Pet names. Possible out of character Spencer but i dont really care. I’m so sleep deprived yall.

— 🫧. Other welder!reader pieces. Alive and Breathing.

“Bye, angel,” you murmured after pressing a kiss to your sleepin husband’s cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Spencer replied tiredly, eyes opening the slightest bit. “I already put your lunch in your cooler. Be safe.”

You smiled. Of course, even though you have to leave at 2 in the morning, Spencer’s already five steps ahead. You turned to leave the bedroom but stopped after hearing him cough. “Before you leave- I got you a few more boxes of that DayQuill/NyQuill stuff and Mucinex. Should be on the counter. Make sure you take them, Spence. I know you haven’t been feeling well. Bye, I love you,” you spoke quickly, throwing your coat on.

Spencer felt a smile forming on his face. His wife: always attentive and gentle (to him at least). “I love you, baby.”

“Hey,” Spencer greeted, picking up his phone and heading out of the bullpen. “What’s up?” Spencer was confused: you didn’t usually call him or contact him when you were at work unless it was absolutely necessary. Were you in trouble? “Are you okay?”

“I’m alright, angel. I’m coming over to drop off your lunch. You, uh,” your voice paused, probably observing other drivers’ movements at a red light. “You gave me my lunch and yours. So I’m on my way. Do you want me to come up or… drop it off? I’m all dirty ‘n everything,” you rambled.

“I think you look hot when you get off of work,” Spencer replied with a smile. He felt himself sigh. He was glad nothing had happened to you.

Your laugh crackled through the line. “That’s because it’s a very physical job, Spence.”

Spencer chuckled, “No, babe, I think you’re just… naturally very attractive.”

“You’re too good for me, Spence. Did you take your medicine? You sound pretty nasally,” you questioned.

“Yeah, I took it,” Spencer replied quietly with a smile on his face. You noticed everything- and Spencer was the profiler! “Anyway, I gotta go, babe. Drive safe, my beautiful wife. I love you.”

“I love you too, husband.”

Spencer tucked his ohone back into his pocket and wandered back out to the bullpen. “Hey, so… I have something to tell you,” Spencer blurted out to Emily and Derek who were watching him like a hawk.

“What is it?” Emily asked immediately, eyebrows furrowing.

“So, I want to apologize for keeping this for so long but I just- I didn’t know how to tell you. I mean, not to mention the fact that you wouldn’t have believed me anyway but that’s not the point. The point is I want you to stay calm and don’t be mad at me.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, kid, slow your roll. What’s goin’ on?” Derek asked.

Spencer looked at both Emily and Derek before sighing. “My wife is gonna be swinging by soon and… she’s… all I’m asking is don’t scare her away. Actually,” Spencer paused, smiling slightly, “she might scare you a little bit.”

Emily’s brows raised higher then Spencer previously thought possible. “You… What?” She asked, standing up.

“You’re actually joking.” Derek stated, face solemn. “You’re joking, man, come on.”

Spencer shrugged, hand coming up to pull the necklace his ring was on from under his shirt to show his coworkers. “We went to the courthouse one year, eleven months. two weeks, four days, and twelve hours ago.”

Derek blinked. “Are- You’re seriously not joking?”

“I have the documents at home to prove it,” Spencer replied, tucking it back under his shirt. “If, you know, you want to see them.”

“I’d rather see her in person,” Emily stated, already starting her pacing. “But like, you didn’t kidnap her or anything did you?”

Spencer shook his head. “No, believe me. She loves me, Emily. I love her.”

Derek sat, hands on his head. “So we missed the wedding and everything? You didn’t say a word, man.”

Spencer nodded. “We were gonna tell you, invite you over for our anniversary.”

“Spencer, what’s her name?” Emily asked suddenly.

“Who’s name?” A low, gravely voice asked. Aaron Hotchner stood, hands on his hips, staring each of his agents down.

“Spencer’s wife’s,” Derek responded slowly.

“Oh,” Hotch replied casually.

“You knew?!” Emily asked loudly, mouth dropped open in shock.

“I saw he added someone else to the insurance, and there was another emergency contact. I haven’t seen her though,” Hotch answered honestly.

“When’s she gonna be here?”

“Soon. She called me probably five minutes ago, so estimating the amount of traffic about this time, I’d guess probably ten minutes.”

“I assume you can find something to do for ten minutes?” The corner of Hotch’s lip turned up just the slightest bit, and he had a hint of amusement in his voice. When Derek finally tore his eyes off of Spencer and Emily bee-lined for her desk, Hotch turned around and stalked over to Rossi’s office to tell him the good news.

Spencer stood up when he heard the unmistakable sound of your steel-toed boots making comtact with the floor. A sweet smile painted his face as he gravitated to you, shoulders relaxing at your presence. “Hey, baby,” he whispered when he was close enough to you.

“Hi you,” you replied, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. You brandished a brown paper bag, Spencer’s name written in your handwriting.

Emily watched you walk in. You were wearing two shirts, dark in color with small holes decorating the sleeves and the hem of both shirts. Your pants were dark and thick, dark liquids and stains all over them. The boots on your feet were definitely thick: steel toed if Emily had to guess. A physical worker, she put the pieces together. Electician? That wouldn’t explain all the stains. Mechanic? Couldn’t be: why would your shirts be all torn if you were fixing cars? Welder? The pieces fit, though Emily wasn’t too educated in that department. She had respect for you. Not many women Emily knew could handle the responsibilities of such a physical job, or handle all the creeps, jerks, and perverts that passed in your workplace.

“Derek,” Emily whisper-yelled. He looked up and she gestured to where Spencer had strode over to you.

“Come on.”

Emily stood up, brushing her hands on her pants and followed Derek to where you were conversing.

“-come back? He’s been slacking off too much, baby, you shouldn’t let him keep relying on you to get his stuff done,” Spencer rambled angrily.

“It’s nothing I can’t handle, Spence. How are you feeling? I brough- oh. Hi,” you greeted.

“Hi! Mrs. Reid, right?” Emily asked, sticking her hand out.

You smiled brightly and nodded. When you saw her hand and showed her your own: “I don’t, uh, think you’d want to do that,” you murmured.

“Doesn’t bother me,” Emily assured honestly.

You returned her genuine smile and clasped her hand. “Thank you. You’re… Emily? Right? And then you’re Derek?” You asked, turning to face Morgan.

“That’s us,” Morgan answered.

“I don’t think Spencer’s brought me up. I’m y/n Reid,” you introduced. “Sorry for all the grime. I came to drop off Spencer’s lunch,” you explained, shooting Spencer a smile, who kept his eyes trained on you the whole time.

“Good to meet you, y/n.” Emily said. “If… if you’re alright with it, I’d like to get the team together. To meet you. If,” she glanced between you and Spencer who was watching you unblinkingly, “that is okay with both of you? I don’t want to push you.”

Derek side eyed Emily. Penelope would probably scare y/n away, even though she didn’t mean to.

“Up to you, baby,” Spencer murmured when you turned to face him.

“Doesn’t bother me,” you answered. Glancing at your Casio, you nodded, “I’ve got an hour.”

“It’ll be fast,” Emily reassured with a smile.

Emily and Derek split up, Emily going up to get Rossi and Hotch, Derek rounding up JJ and Garcia.

“Are you sure, baby?” Spencer asked. He led you to his desk, setting down the bag you gave him. “I don’t- they-“

“Do you want us to do this another day? When I’m not in my work clothes?” You asked, refusing to sit down on anything.

Spencer shook his head. “No, no. I just want you to be prepared. They can be overwhelming.”

“‘Overwhelming’ I hear?”

You turned your head and saw two men and Emily walking towards you both. The younger looking one was Hotchner because you knew David Rossi’s face; him being a famous author and everything.

“Hello! You must be the missus,” Rossi greeted, sticking his hand out. Good lord, you thought, feds and their handshakes.

You showed Rossi your dirt stained hands and opened her mouth.

“We’ve touched dead bodies, y/n. I promise we won’t get upset at a little grease,” Emily explained gently. Good god, you thought.

Regardless, you shook Rossi and Hotch’s hand, grateful for Emily’s reassurance. Spencer wrapped an arm around your shoulders. He leaned in, whispering “You’re doing great, baby.”

“So,” Hotch began, “I want to personally thank you for keeping Reid sane and healthy.”

Emily and Rossi both laughed. “Yeah, he’s got enough trouble on the field,” Emily joked.

You elbowed Spencer, a grin painting your face. “Is that right?”

“Doesn’t matter if it’s right or not: I’ll always come back to you,” Spencer replies softly, eyed swiftly darting to your lips.

“Spencer!” You reprimanded, smacking him (lightly) on the stomach. “Your bosses are right there, you-“

A loud shriek cut you off, making everyone’s gaze dart to a person behind you. “She’s real! Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Reid! You didn’t even drop a singular hint that you were hitched!”

Spencer chuckled, pulling your form a little closer to his. “If I remember correctly, JJ saw my ring when I was asleep on the plane: I assumed she had told everyone and you didn’t want to bring it up.”

“For a genius, you’re pretty dumb,” a new voice cut in. “Hi, I’m Jennifer Jareau, but you can call me JJ.” The blonde smiled warmly and brought you in for a swift hug.

“Ah! Hello, you gorgeous soul! I’m Penelope!” A shorter blonde, more colorful and energetic, embraced you. “I’m so glad to meet you, even though, you know, I didn’t even knew you existed until about two minutes ago.” She shot your husband a look. “But, I would cery much like to get to know you, as would JJ and Emily if you can’t tell.”

You smiled. “I’d love to now, but seeing as I’m technically on my lunch break, I don’t think I’ll have time to do everything you probably have in mind. Could we,” you turned to Spencer, eyes glinting, “bring them over for dinner?”

“Anything you want, babe,” Spencer replied. Truly, if you had asked him to give you his heart, he would find a way to rip the organ out of his chest and give it to you in his bood stained hands. Dinner? No problem.

“I’ll give you my number. Penelope could make a groupchat or something,” you suggested.

Everyone nodded. Hotch was looking forward to this dinner. And Rossi, no matter what he said.

After you gave Penelope your phone number and everyone dispersed, Emily and Derek were wise enough to go busy themselves with a vending machine.

“You alright, baby?” Spencer asked.

You nodded. “I’m alright. Glad I finally met them. I, uh, hope you’re not mad about the dinner thing.”

Spencer scoffed. “I wouldn’t get mad over that.”

You shrugged. “Well. I should probably head back to work. Sorry for getting you all dirty,” you apologized again, pulling away from Spencer quickly, remembering you were in your work attire.

“It’s alright, baby. ‘M just glad I got to see you.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, a sly smile forming on your face. “You’ve been awfully sappy lately, Spence. Are you sure you’re alright? I’m seriously considering taking you to a doctor.”

Spencer laughed. “I’m your sap,” he responded casually.

“Okay. Seriously. Stop making me get lost in your eyes because I got to go to work. Bye. I love you,” you babbled, pulling Spencer down to kiss you.

“Bye, wife,” Spencer whispered into your lips.

“Bye, husband.”

[campgender]

Quim Issue #5 (1994)

[image description: a cropped image of a magazine in black and white. at the top is the question “how can you be a lesbian and sleep with boys?” echoed by the words “call yourself a lesbian.” below this are answers with different text formatting for different responses. a black and white cartoon in the bottom right corner shows two people in skirts saying “what on earth was that about?” “haven’t a clue.”

the responses read:

I hardly ever actually slept with them. Of course you can and many of us do. Having sex with men is a diversion I allow myself every 6-8 years. They become more exciting by being forbidden.

I am a lesbian because of the people I choose to live my life with. Occasionally fucking a man doesn’t change that.

I don’t, I call myself bisexual.

My lesbianism means that I am only physically, mentally and emotionally attracted to women. Though I have had good one-off sex with men in the past, that’s as far as it goes. As far as sexual relationships go they don’t feature.

The few occasions I have done it I have had no problem dealing with it at all. I know I’m a dyke – and one of the benefits of being a dyke is having the choice and occasion to do what the hell you like. If I want to shag a bloke then I will (if nothing else to remind me why I never really wanted to sleep with them in the first place!)

If I was interested enough to commit myself to getting good sex with men, there’d come a point when I’d call myself bi-sexual. Anything I engage and put myself into is something to be proud of, so I’d be proud to call myself bi-sexual. But I don’t feel proud of what I have ever felt or done with men in bed, so the label doesn’t apply.

Easy. I am a lesbian and I sleep with guys every once in a while. Which I know many dykes do but they’re just too scared to admit thinking that women will see them in a different light. Most dykes get the 7 year itch even when they don’t admit it to themselves.

I can’t see a way of sleeping with a man/men on a regular basis and calling yourself a lesbian.

Easy.

I can fall in love with women in a matter of minutes. I have never fallen for a man in the same way.

end image description.]

[erinwantstowrite]

Hi I know you mentioned you being aroace just a couple days ago and I was wondering if maybe you could explain more in depth about how you found out your sexuality and what not? If it’s not too personal…

I’ve always sorta struggled since I haven’t had any crushes as a kid except for maybe one and that’s just cause ppl kept asking me who mine was… so I don’t even think it was a legit crush?? So not only do I not know who (looks,gender, that sorta thing) I would like … am I ever gonna like someone to even find that out???

I know you said Superman on the new trailer was hot ahaha so do you still experience that sort of physical attraction? I’ve been told when people question which gender they like, to pick which one looks more attractive to them but I’ve never really experienced that sort of physical attraction so I can’t tell that way either…

I think any thought of a crush forming was more towards their personality as well. Looks I guess are more of a second thought I think..? Even then I can’t tell if this is “you’re such an awesome person I wanna be besties with you” really strong feeling or an actual “I wanna date this person” feeling.

The only person I’ve gotten really close to discerning it as officially crush was someone from work who was older by a good amount… which can be/is pretty weird.. Lots of people my age are just a little too crazy for me.. I guess??? Idk and even now I can’t tell if that was just “glad to have someone as a friend sorta thing. I’m really sorry if this is too personal and u don’t have to respond to the ask directly either I was just hoping on maybe some advice for some clarity if possible… as I get older and realize I’ve never dated/had that sorta infatuation it feels so excluding at times.

Also I am hoping for a feast AND desert with this “‘soon’ but still haven’t posted it two days later” chapter plz and thank you

I hope this made sense and wasn’t too invasive!! :(

when i was younger, i was reading about this kind of thing online and i didn't find anyone like me. i think it's about time that i come full circle and make my own post. i've got like half of my frontal lobe developed and i've been figuring out a lot of things about myself these past couple of years, and there might be someone out there who needs to hear this (´-`ʃ♡ƪ) so if anyone is interested, below the cut is a very long talk about how i figured some stuff out

when it came to my sexuality, i only started considering it when i was in middle school, going into high school. (which would be when i was 12-13). that's when a lot of my friends started having crushes on our classmates and i realized they were being serious when they said they had crushes on people. they had figured out their identities as being a lesbian or bisexual, and they had relationships. (or as close as you can get to that in middle school).

i started to panic and think that i was lagging behind. and i really started to repress my feelings about dating people and romance and what that would entail. i found out through the internet about being pansexual. at the time i thought "oh, they have the same attraction for everyone!" and i slapped it on myself because i thought it would fix everything. i even came out to my parents as pansexual and for a while i left it at that.

i had an idea of romance. i shipped characters in media and i knew that my parents really loved each other. there were a lot of examples for love in my life that weren't the best, but having two parents that actually did care about each other made me want that for myself in the future...

but that's in the future. i personally didn't think about it much because we were still kids. for a while i didn't think anyone else was being serious, that they were just trying it out quicker than i was ready for. it was a strange feeling. i guess i still believed we were playing make believe, or copying what we saw on TV or with our parents. often when my friends asked me who i had a crush on and i felt pressured, i would pick someone that i thought i wouldn't mind dating if i had to. someone would be "interested" in me and i would say "okay" because i felt like that was part of this game we all seemed to be playing. i've had a few "boyfriends" over the years that got people off my back when i had them. in elementary school it was this boy that didn't pick on me, another boy that was my parents' friend's kid. in middle school i had an online boyfriend and a couple of "crushes" on friends of friends, someone just a little far out of my circle that didn't shake anything up. my friends would help me get together with a person and they'd seem so excited for me, so i just went along with it.

then it hit me that they weren't doing it just to do it, or playing pretend. they actually felt something when they were interacting with their crushes. i started to reread books and rewatch media and really grasp what they were saying. the feeling of having butterflies inside them when they talked to each other, blushing when something was said? i thought that was about a general anxiety people get when talking to other people. but there was always something more to it that i just... didn't get. no matter how hard i tried, i didn't understand what that something was.

then started coming the pressure to do the same, to fit in. that's why i accepted a label of pansexual. it was "strange" but at least it didn't feel "broken." i could deal with people telling me that i was wrong for liking more than just boys. but to say that there was no one on the table gave me an anxiety i'd never felt before. like i would be letting down my family, that the entire course of my life would shift. i wouldn't walk down the aisle because there would be no wedding. my parents wouldn't have grandkids. my friends would go on to have lives completely separate from mine, we'd have nothing in common anymore. so i stuffed it all down and made myself believe that this wasn't who i was.

it really mixed me up because i did have a couple of "crushes" that felt real. there were a few girls i was friends with, there were boys in my classes (usually class clowns...) that i'd get excited to see every day. when i thought about dating them, it felt nice. any other time when i thought about dating someone, i'd get this awful feeling in my gut that i later realized was dread. i was fully convinced it was different from all the other times. that "different" that i didn't understand before.

it was different! but not for the reason i thought it was. those people made me laugh, they listened and remembered things about me (that i didn't get much of during that time of my life), and most of all: they didn't like me back.

there were literally no expectations in their eyes for things to go away from friendship. and i think that's what made me like them, but not as a crush. it was relief. there was always an expectation for other people (specifically boys) that if we were friends, things would stray from friendship at some point. not with these people. that relief, combined with all the other good feelings they gave me (class clowns...) made it so much easier to fall into a friendship that i didn't have with other people. and i was in denial for so long that i thought of those friendships as crushes because they were different from other friendships.

there were a couple of times that i got close to having to face my sexuality and it felt like a gut punch. there were a couple of people i was friends with (that i didn't have crushes on) that i had previously thought "if i had to pick someone" about. but when they actually told me their feelings, i would run away. in one case, i literally ran away. i changed my entire routine so that i wouldn't have to face them. and i'm a creature of habit, so of course i took that step back and asked myself why i was having such a strong reaction. my friends didn't understand why i was so panicked about these confessions. especially because before, i "liked" people and had no problem with it.

part of my feelings were that no one would actually like me (which only furthered me not wanting/not considering romance). some of the confessions that i got were fake/pranks, and it would really mess with my head. i wasn't skinny, i knew i was strange and awkward, and i could be very brash and stubborn. i had a weird sense of humor and i missed social ques. i got a lot of "you should be a lawyer" and complaints of being bossy when i was growing up and i always knew they really meant "you're a bitch." i wouldn't understand why i felt so othered from my peers like that until i learned i was possibly autistic, and i only found that out a couple years ago. combined with being plus sized and not conventionally attractive, i didn't get much breathing room. if i wasn't perfectly calm all the time, if i didn't force myself to be overly nice to people, and if i wasn't funny, i'd get told i was "draining" to be around.

i did a lot to try and fit in. i kept my hair long because people would compliment it, i tried to wear skirts instead of pants/shorts, i'd wear comfy clothes and the like so i didn't look like i was trying too hard. a lot of my personality was forced and i was the one who was being drained instead. i ended up having to get a radar for when people were just messing with me. and so when a real confession happened, there was a combination of anxiety about if they were faking or not, doubt that they could actually like me, and then a deep rooted fear about if they were being serious.

instead of the relief i should have felt when i learned it was a real confession, i still felt scared. it would be the same anxiety as if someone asked me to get on the world's tallest roller coaster in the world and i had just seen a chunk of the roller coaster fall in front of me.

that part made it even harder to come to grips with my sexuality. i thought if i gave up on being a hopeless romantic, i'd be giving in to all the times someone told me "I just don't see you dating anyone." being unlovable was a death sentence in my eyes. and it didn't help that i've lived in the south all my life. i was already strange and going to hell for a multitude of things. turning around and telling them that i was going against every expectation set of me to get married and have kids by 24????

(i should clarify that my parents had never been the ones to put this in my mind. when i came out as pansexual, they had only been confused about what the hell that was. the rest of their reaction was "i mean... we could already sort of tell." and while my parents had hopes for my future, i knew deep down that while they'd be a little sad not to have those expected memories with me, they wouldn't turn me away. and they would very likely be happy to create a whole different set of memories with me.)

i have my current friends to thank for me coming to terms with who i am. by the time i was in college i had started to question everything. my middle school friend group had been majority queer but we had gone to different schools or just faded apart. in high school, a majority of my time was spent in band. and while i was one of those people who had friends in a variety of friend groups, the closest friends i had were the people in my section that i sat next to every day. and in the present time, only a couple of them remained straight churchgoers. even though they've changed now just like i have, during high school i was a different story.

going to college opened me up to a far different experience. by this point i'd shifted from pansexual to bisexual. my college experience wasn't... ideal. or really healthy in any aspect. but meeting these people did dislodge the mindset i'd had for most of my life. and my current friends have changed my life. the fear that i had about being aromantic has now become the relief i needed my entire life. it doesn't feel broken, or wrong, or strange. sometimes i do feel sad about it, or question if this is really the case. maybe one day i'll meet someone who shows me that "different" feeling i'd been waiting to understand. but i grew past the societal expectation of needing a partner to be fulfilled in life and i'm so much happier.

life doesn't need to be about that partner. i have many, many friends and family to grow old with. i have a godchild!! one day i'll have my own house to celebrate holidays and achievements at, to host my friends and family. i'll have pets that i love and i'll have my own career, and i'll be happy because i never needed to fit expectations to be happy.

when it comes to anything sexual, it's sort of the same feeling as when i had "crushes" on people in real life. though also different? i don't look at real people and feel an attraction beyond knowing that they are attractive, objectively. i can feel attraction sometimes in a physical sense, but i have no interest in having anything personal happening between us. a fictional character has no interest in me, and so it feels safe to think that they're hot and to express it. like sure, yeah, i have a crush on them! i get giggly when Captain Smoker from One Piece shows up on the screen, and the new Superman makes me think "oh! okay!" but if they were real and in front of me? i'd probably... lose that attraction, like it was never there.

here's the kicker, though, and might sound weird at first: you don't have to put a label on yourself

yeah, i do consider myself aroace. but the world is ever changing and so is the human experience. it helps to have a basis, to understand your feelings and work through them. it's nice to be like "there is a name for this" and to find a community through that. i'm not saying there's anything wrong about figuring out your identity and saying "I'm this, this, and this!" nothing at all wrong with that. but we're all figuring ourselves out, all the time. it doesn't end when you put the label on. you have the entire rest of your life to continue learning things about yourself and the world around you. i wish i'd known in middle school that i didn't have to rush it, that i have every opportunity to take it one phase at a time. a human life seems fleeting, especially when you're looking back on your past and feeling like the time flew by. but that's just our perception of it as we look back.

what i mean to say it that it's okay to backtrack. it's okay to change your mind. it's okay to not put a label on it. it's okay to put a label on it. it's okay not to tell anyone, if you don't want to. it's okay to say "i'll figure it out." and it's okay if you don't. it's okay if you sit up in bed one day when you're 60 years old and go "that's what it is." as long as you live your life listening to yourself and not trying to meet an expectation you think you have to, then you're doing it right.

and it's okay if you lived your life like i did, and you didn't do any of that. being a human is messy and that's part of life. you're not gonna get it right the first time- but even then, sometimes you will! there's a nuance and a spectrum to everything you experience. take pride in who you are even if you don't have a clue yet. be kind to yourself. you're gonna be okay.

[amethystedream]

part one — part two — part three !

𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི

it was all too intimate. the way satoru grabbed her hand, entwining their fingers together as he kissed her, hips slamming against hers in a desperate rythm. the way he’d wrap his arms around her and pepper soft kisses on her face only to disappear in the middle of the night. he was infuriating, confusing, annoying and aggravatingly addicting to utahime. she didn’t know how, or rather she couldn’t muster up the will to break this vicious cycle.

they never talked about whatever it was that was going on between them, but if there was one thing that they both knew, was that it wasn’t serious. he tried to convince himself of that, for he was starting to lose control, starting to break his own rules—his mind was quickly letting go of the past to favor the tempting present he was being faced with, and the lines were starting to get blurred.

satoru was losing his grip. it quickly stopped being enough having her every other night, what was initially an escape, a distraction, a chance to let go, had now turned into a craving, a desperate need.

he stopped disappearing at night, staying until the sunlight crept through the windows, only leaving the bed to brew some coffee to share with utahime. he’d make them both late to their respective classes, and as if that wasn’t enough, he kept buzzing around her while they were working.

to say she was confused and overwhelmed would have been an understatement. she didn’t want to believe that satoru started having actual feelings for her, she refused to feed her own delusions. she thought she knew better than to let him string her along, but deep down, she knew he was already playing with her heart like a puppet.

she kept telling herself that he was just weird, that all of this was still casual, that there was no way he felt anything other than physical attraction. she had been a rebound, after all—maybe she was starting to be a rebound in the emotional aspect too.

she was convinced that she was still just a replacement for suguru, even if it had been almost a year, even with the way he had been acting for months now, even with the sweet words he showered her with. none of it mattered when he couldn’t even give her the decency of telling her if he loved her.

• ♡ •

utahime was starting to avoid him. it was subtle at first, making up excuses that were innocent enough—paperwork, missions, a made up meeting with the higher ups—but she was running out of options, and by the second week the excuses were getting silly, and satoru was not buying it.

he was very much aware that something was wrong, and even though he tried not to dwell on it too much, he was growing restless. he’d usually not show up uninvited, but he just couldn’t handle it anymore. she had once again turned him away and he was losing his mind over her sudden dismissal that had been going on for far too long in his opinion.

a very tired and quite disheveled utahime opened the door, not having expected to see the white haired menace that satoru was at her door, nearly an hour past midnight. she tried not to look so surprised—and somewhat guilty, too— but satoru could see right through her.

“oh, satoru—“ she greeted, cutting herself off with a yawn, leaning against the door frame, “what are you doing here?”

he narrowed his eyes a bit, looking quite unimpressed as he crossed his arms. had he not been actually upset, it would’ve almost looked funny, “you’ve been avoiding me, utahime”

“huh? of course not, i’ve just been having a stressful week. those bastards keep piling up work on me and i haven’t even had time to do my own fucking laundry—“ she tried to sound casual, but there was an obvious tenseness in her shoulders, and if there was anyone with a good sense of sight, it was very much satoru.

“that’s bullshit, and you know it. are you mad at me? why the hell do you keep making up excuses not to see me? did i do something?” he rambled on his questions, both indignation and desperation dripping off of his voice quite clearly.

utahime chuckled, shaking her head slightly as if waving him off, “satoru, im not avoiding you. i’ve just really, really been having a busy week”

“stop lying to me, utahime. you said you were busy tonight and it doesn’t really look like it. if you don’t want to keep seeing me the least you could do is tell me, don’t you think?” he pressed, taking a step closer to her.

sighing, she ran a hand through her hair, looking at him with an unsure expression, “look, it’s not that— that i don’t want to see you, still. it’s just… i’ve just been a bit overwhelmed, is all”

“overwhelmed with what? me?” he kept pressing for her to answer him, to tell him why she was dismissing him like this, but it was starting to get on her nerves. losing a bit of her patience, she frowned as she crossed her arms and stood a bit firmer.

“actually, yeah, i am” she replied, a hint of exasperation in her voice.

“wha—why? what did i do?” he sputtered, though he was still upset with her for simply avoiding him instead of telling him what was wrong.

“well, you—you confuse the hell out of me, satoru!” she snapped. it had been way too long since this whole thing between them had started, and never once had he told her how he felt. she was tired of having to guess what he was thinking, of waiting for him to decide he wanted her, for him to tell her that he loved her, or at least that he fucking liked her, anything, “you act like you don’t care if i live or die then suddenly start showing up at my door like this, staying the night and making me breakfast—making me late to my classes, too—” an accusatory finger shoved against his chest, “always around me in any way you can yet you never fucking say what exactly we are!” her last sentence was punctuated with an exasperated throw of her hands into the air, slapping against the side of her thighs as they came down, “the most you’ve ever said about… relationship? if i can even call it that—has been right now, asking if i don’t want to see you anymore. because apparently so far we’ve only been ‘seeing each other’? is that it?”

she was nearly panting by the end of her little rant, looking at satoru with eyes that were beyond angered. breathing heavily for a few seconds, she stared at satoru, who was standing dumbfounded, his cheeks slightly flushed as he seemed speechless. this only made her scoff, shaking her head as she rubbed a hand against it.

“god, what do i even expect out of you— i… i’m tired of this, satoru. i seriously can’t take it anymore. please just—let me be, leave me alone, i don’t fucking know. goodbye”

without sparing a glance at him, she went back inside and promptly shut the door in his face, letting the tears fall freely once she was alone in her room, and leaving an equally as hurt satoru at the door.

𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི

because one (1) person wanted it (i think) here u go!!! tbh i could’ve finished it in this part but i wanted to know if the public wants to see more…. im kidding but seriously i’ve just started this account and i don’t really get any engagement so if you’re interested in this becoming a series let me know! as always this was not very much proofread but anyways hope you like it ^^

[homunculus-argument]

hey there! this sounds like a bit of a silly question, but as a trans guy, you’re one of the few trans people i’ve been following almost since i joined tumblr, so based on your other anon ask and answer i figured i’d pop in and ask if you have any advice? if you want to answer, ofc :) — i foresee this being a bit long, so i totally get if not

so i’m also a trans guy, but i haven’t been able to take any steps toward medical transitioning before since i live with my parents. but i’ll move out soon, and i still can’t decide if i should take any of these steps even once i do. i’ve never felt like i particularly wanted to medically transition (i don’t really care about how my body looks + i’ve never really cared about changing any of it), but i would like to be seen a guy — i don’t mind if not so by strangers, but maybe so by like, my friends. but i can’t help but feel like i’d be laughed at for wanting that — i’m not naturally androgynous or masculine looking to others and i have never been mistaken for a guy, because i have really long hair, d cups, and curves. and without medically transitioning, i also kinda feel like i’m… betraying the trans community, since i’m not really putting the effort into my transition and so i’m just ‘pretending’, even though i do know i’m not.

so my question would be: as a trans person who has transitioned, socially and medically, do you think people are more understanding than i think they are currently? do you know of any trans people who don’t want to medically transition, and do you think it’s possible to live fulfilled that way? or even: do you think it would be easier for someone like me to just live a lie? i usually tell people i’m a lesbian, because they definitely would not look at me and assume ‘straight guy’, but also, as a trans person who doesn’t want to medically transition, i’m just always worried that i won’t be taken seriously. i feel like your experience of being trans and probably interacting with the community is much more than mine, which is why i ask this last one — i would try being open myself, but again, i’m still living with my parents unfortunately.

I'll be honest I don't actually really know much "community" save for former art school classmates. I've only known one trans person irl who chose not to medically transition - at the time, Finland's trans law was still shitty and required sterilisation for legal sex change, and all that. She didn't want kids or anything, but refused to engage in the process as her own little personal civilian protest. I don't want to paint some caricature picture of some Sharp Dommy Tall Scary Goth Trans Anarchist, but I was deeply impressed by the way she didn't do a single thing to try to seem smaller, softer, or in any way submissive or docile to be ~feminine~ the right, socially accepted way.

She wasn't just taller than most men but usually the tallest person in the room, and she stood out in a crowd of cis women like a crane in a chicken coop - a bird just as much as they are, but a different kind of bird. And I remember thinking that I could never do that, being so unflinching and unhesitant about standing out in the crowd because assimilating and muting yourself is beneath your dignity.

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you about being openly trans without transitioning medically, save for that it takes more guts than being able to just go stealth. I had physical dysphoria about the way my body was, and was desperate to get top surgery just for the sake of my own physical comfort, and I like the convenient anonymity of being able to just be Just Some Guy who doesn't attract anyone's interest or curiosity.

It's a smart move to not come out to your parents before you're out of their house and not relying on them for anything - this is something everyone should use their own judgement for, but I stress it to every queer kid to not take the risk if there's any chance that they'll react poorly while they still have power over you. But living your whole life in the closet - "living a lie" is a good way to put it - will corrode you from the inside.

It's better to live in peace with yourself and against the world, than in peace with the world against yourself. There is absolutely nothing in your power that you could do to change the minds of people who have already decided that they don't respect you, and if they try telling you that they would, if you only met their approved criteria, they are lying. That's bait they're dangling in front of you, and there's no "earning" the respect of such people.

Stay true to yourself and be good to people, and you'll have the respect of people who are capable of respecting you. Don't waste your time and energy on people who won't respect you, every thought and effort you spare them is wasted on them.

[thebadboyfanclub]

I Would Like That (Harwin x Reader)

Another Harwin imagine and this was actually really interesting cause I wanted to write a slow burn with an arranged marriage trope, I hope you like it.

Lady (y/n) Tower was a wonderful match for Harwin, a noble house of the river lands and allies to Harrenhal, his Father Lyonel did not want to discuss it further with Harwin, especially after the whispers amongst the red keep of Harwin's living princess Rhaenyra pregnant, the same that this would bring to house Strong would be fatal.

(Y/n) traveled to Kings landing to meet with her intended, Harwin was wildly disinterested but respectful, it was to his knowledge that the lady did not have a choice in this nor was it her scheme to be ripped away from Princess Rhaenyra.

“May I present the third of my four children, lady (y/n)”

“My lord”

(Y/n)s voice was as light as a feather as she bowed before her future lord husband and good father, Lyonel was impressed, the lady was young and attractive, and she would stand well next to his boy.

(Y/n) took in Harwin for the very first time, the rumors were true he looked quite powerful, he also looked as strong as he was handsome, with curls that fell loosely and deep blue eyes, she immediately pictures little children that inherited his eyes.

Harwin took her hand in his to place a kiss on the back of her palm, some would say it was a good start for the couple, however (y/n) only felt coldness radiating from his lips, he hadn’t said a thing and he did not appear to be excited or even interested.

She shifted from one foot to the other due to the uncomfortable aura that lingered within them, Lyonel waited for a minute to give his son a chance but to no avail.

“You must be tired, the journey is certainly long and we deeply appreciate you for coming all the way here, let us show you to your chamber”

“That sounds lovely”

(Y/n) had a target on her back, to which Harwin hated himself for it, the minute they were married he felt responsible for her, (y/n) is kind, poised, and optimistic, to be around her was like being in the sun, her warmth engulfed you, unfortunately for her a few days after their wedding princess Rhaenyra gave birth to Jacaerys Velaryon, a boy that looked almost identical to Ser Harwin.

One could imagine the embarrassment that ran through her veins when she had to bow before the princess and her husband and congratulate the couple for their heir, still, she smiled fondly at them before she peeked at the child, her hand landed on the top of his head to caress the babe's hair lovingly.

“Congratulations princess, one day I hope to be as lucky as you”

Some say it was a jab to Rhaenyra, others it was a secret pain that bled (y/n)s heart to death, whatever the case may be Harwin felt the urge to do better by her, every time his gaze fell upon her he was constantly reminded of how he was underperforming in his wedlock.

“I have arranged for us to leave when spring comes, harrenhal is lovely this time of year”

“I do not understand”

“We are going to settle to Harrenhal, I will take my place as my father's heir and you will be by my side”

(Y/n) did not respond, she just furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to find the reason behind his new plan, ever since they were wed Harwin had not only been the commander of the city watch, but he was also sworn knight to Princess Rhaenyra, how could he leave everything behind?

Harwin almost sensed the questions that occupied her brain and reached from his chair to grab the hand that was resting on the arm of her chair, Harwin and (y/n) were not usually physical with each other, as much as she would love to be Harwin had never shown that type of intention.

“I haven’t done right by you, it is time for me to treat you a lady Strong deserves to be treated”

(Y/n) smiled as her heartstrings played like the sweetest of harps and the words rested on her mind, it felt like a beacon of hope had finally been lit in her life.

She nodded before she bit her lip to hide her excitement, she could already imagine telling that story to her beloved daughter when she comes of age and must marry, to bestow optimism for what’s to come to her and show her that there is always room for improvement.

Unfortunately, one mustn’t know all the plans that the future holds.

Harwin had gotten into a fight with a commoner while he was on watch and had managed to slice in the belly, along with a pretty heavy wound on his head, his fellow knights had dragged him to his wife, waking up in the hour of the bat to see your husband bleeding and unconscious caused her to go in hysteria, she had woken up the entire castle with her screams and luckily the maester as well.

(Y/n) tended to him for a fortnight, sat by his bed awake, and cleaned his bandages every two hours like clockwork, the damage was not fatal but it was serious and if it got infected the cost would be his life, Harwin would wake up only to be fed by her, soup, water and bread, that was all he was allowed to consume since they had once tried to give him meat and he threw up almost immediately, his stomach could not handle it yet.

“(Y/n)”

“It’s me my love, time for supper”

(Y/n) wrapped her arms around him like the maester had shown her to make it easier for him to sit up, Harwin grunted as he felt his flesh stretched which was an extremely unpleasant sensation alongside how fragile he had become.

“Here, I managed to convince the maester to let us add fish, I know eating the same thing can be boring”

“Nothing can be boring when you are the one that serves it, dear (y/n)”

(Y/n) could already detect the blood rushing to her cheeks as she was blushing, how could she not? Harwin had been in and out of consciousness for days, barely being able to speak, now as he slowly was coming up on his feet and (y/n) could listen to the sweet sound of his voice was a treat by itself, let alone to listen to such lovely compliments.

(Y/n) dipped the spoon on the plate before she blew slightly to cool the substance and then fed it to Harwin, the warmth of the soup brought comfort to him, and the combination of food with (y/n) looking at him with her deer-like eyes as she waited for a reaction was getting his spirits high.

“Oh I remember you, you were right, fish makes it better”

“If you digest it properly maester said that we can also try to help you walk, I was thinking of the gardens since the weather has been generous the past days”

“Not more than you, you have been more than generous to me”

“It is my duty as your wife to tend to you”

“No, it isn’t, you have been ridiculed by the court, you could have despised me and left me for dead”

“Harwin-“

“You endured it all, with grace at that, now you came to my aid and have been nothing but wonderful to me, you are more than I could ever ask for”

“You are not a bad man Harwin, I understand I was not the lady you would have chosen to be your lady wife”

“Indeed, I would not have picked you”

The scrunch of the nose that Harwin saw (y/n) does was enough to help him recognize that (y/n) was also hurting, badly, she thought that she came second and perhaps that stood true when they first met.

(Y/n) was about to feed him another spoonful before Harwin stopped her, once again he grabbed her hand but this time he brought her knuckles up to his lips to place a kiss full of endearment.

“Because I was a blind man that did not see the blessing that is you, I am delighted that my father was smart enough to see the gem that you are. I love you”

Tears came to her eyes as the weight that had kept her from breathing was finally lifted off her chest, she deserved a round of applause for how well she had kept it together for this long, only the Gods know the number of times (y/n) had cried herself to sleep from the unbearable burden of having to wed a man that already had a firstborn bastard and with a princess at that, she kept her spirits high for the sake of her family and to restrain herself from going insane.

“You healed my wounds, I believe it’s time that I heal yours, what do you say?”

“I would like that”

Her voice cracked as the tears ran down her cheeks for Harwin to reach and wipe away, it was hushed but it was enough of a response for Harwin to smile at her, silence fell upon them but as they stared back at one another all that needed to be said was there, to Harwin's hand resting upon hers and the fond grins.

They both experienced the relief of beginning a new chapter as they both held the pen together, their vows coming to fruition as they spiritually became one, accepting one another as someone to love and hold.

As (y/n) kept feeding her husband with the ritual of slightly blowing each spoonful for him slowly but surely the soup vanished from the dish and Harwin felt better than ever, it was perfect timing for his father to walk in.

“How are you today son?”

“Much better, my dear has been taking good care of me”

Lyonel came to a halt at the scene that unfolded before him, (y/n) placed the tray aside and Harwin stretched his arm to find her hips and pull her next to him, making (y/n) yelp from the surprise and plop right next to him.

Lyonel admired his good daughter ever since he met her, she was perfect for Harwin and the way she cared for him and stood by him was admirable, to say the least, now that Harwin had seen to look past his nose and become the man he should have been months ago to her was wonderful news, Lyonel nodded once as a smirk played on his lips.

“I see I am interrupting, I shall leave you to it”

“No, you are not interrupting my lord”

“Father with all due respect I would like to spend some time with my lady wife, in private”

Requests are open!

[totally-sapphxxx]

I’ve thought about making this post for years, and have rewritten it several times already.

I’ve seen so many stories of people talking about how they ‘always knew’ when it came to their sexuality. I haven’t seen as many talking about struggling to accept yourself. I think I would’ve liked to have seen those stories too when I was figuring things out. So, I’m deciding to share part my own journey, the difficulty I had and sometimes do still have accepting myself.

When I realized I was attracted to women further than just thinking they’re beautiful, I was convinced I was bi. That was then followed by the usual wondering if I was faking being bi, that I was actually straight. For the first few years I didn’t even consider that I was a lesbian.

Eventually I accepted that I’m attracted to women and that won’t change. Even then, I held onto being bi or pan. I held the hope that I could still end up marrying a man.

Coming from a conservative, brown family, being queer is that much harder. Since as far back as I can remember, I’ve been told how to ‘be better’ for my ‘future husband’, things I should learn, ways I could be a good wife to a man, etc. There’s such a large expectation on me and other women like me in brown families. I specify ‘brown families’ because, in my experience, there’s less acceptance there and sometimes more extreme responses.

Brown families are culturally more community-driven. As such, there’s a massive emphasis put on how others will see you and your family, and saving face. So, being queer would be a huge embarrassment. I know that when they find out, I’ll lose a lot of family.

As a result of all of this, I was determined to be bi. I was determined to just focus on finding a man to be with, to date and love. The fact that my romantic attraction is based on personality helped immensely. I could find a man to be happy with, I was sure.

But then came sex. The first time I saw a naked man in front of me, I got so turned off, that the shock of the realisation I wasn’t at all attracted to men physically, made me cry. Dramatic, I know, but it was really overwhelming in the moment; it felt like the whole future I’d imagined just turned to dust and fell through my fingers.

You’d think that that would’ve lead me to try accept that I’m only attracted to women… no. I spent the next few years trying to find the ‘perfect’ man. Maybe if I found one I was more emotionally attracted to, maybe if he was more physically attractive, maybe if I could tick enough boxes, I’d find a man to stay with.

It never happened. I’d dated at least three men who were, in all aspects, perfect for me. I couldn’t do it. My downfall was sex 😂😭 I just couldn’t do it. No matter how ‘perfect’ the guy was.

Alright. Okay. But I do like women, right?

Being with women was the easiest thing; a stark contrast to my difficulties with men.

So then… I’m a lesbian. No man will ‘make me straight’.

Accepting that has been so difficult. I started just flirting with women, hooking up with them, not building proper relationships… I was enjoying myself, I guess… In retrospect, I think that even though I’d finally accepted I wasn’t going to marry a man one day, I wasn’t ready to accept that I’d want to marry a woman one day. I wasn’t ready to accept the implications.

But then I met my girlfriend. She doesn’t know it, but being with her, and seeing her be so comfortably gay, seeing her unapologetically call me her girlfriend to anyone who asks, helped me so much. Being with her drove away the fears and self-loathing. I know I’ll be okay.

For the first time in my life, I’m okay with my family learning about my sexuality. For the first time in my life, I want to bring home a woman and unapologetically love her in front of my family.

It’s been a long journey, but I’m here. Finally.

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to share this. I think that hearing other stories of difficulty would’ve made my own journey a bit easier.

I think the writing here is a little all over the place, but this post would be much longer if I made it flow a bit better.

[happilychee]

thinking about aromantic lucy

I saw a terf saying aspec people aren't actually queer so fuck them here's aromantic lucy heartfilia

cw: a few mentions of internalized arophobia

lucy who doesn't know that the word love exists until she reads it in one of the few fairytale books in her father's extensive library. lucy who doesn't quite get the kissing and the physicality and the fiery proclamations, but thinks that it's an okay price to pay for someone to be so passionate for her. to choose her and care about her, like her mother did before she passed.

lucy, who's eight years old and crying after another argument with her father, who summons aquarius and asks "do you love me?" aquarius feels her blood pressure rise, but seeing the broken look in her wielder's watery eyes, she decides to drop the snark. "I do, kid." "does that mean you wanna kiss me?" aquarius almost smacks lucy over the head.

lucy who doesn't quite understand the difference between how she cares for her spirits and how she felt about her mom. lucy who cares deeply for everyone who's important to her, who thinks that aquarius could just as easily be her knight in shining armor as the storybook prince. lucy who reads romance books because she wants someone like that in her life. lucy who's never had any friends besides aquarius. lucy who thinks it must be nice to have someone choose you, care about you, protect you. lucy decides that that's what love is.

lucy who's old enough to know she doesn't like her father. lucy who's so confused when she hates him but still cares about him. lucy who's old enough to run away from home but too young, too young.

lucy who joins fairy tail and has no idea what to expect. lucy who's startled by her new friends' openness and easy acceptance of her. lucy who blushes when natsu throws an arm around her, who feels warm and fuzzy when gray guides her by the small of her back, who has a lopsided grin on her face when erza links arms with her as they walk. lucy who suddenly thinks that she's in love with three people at once and panics (her storybooks never mentioned that!!).

lucy who turns to who she can confidently call her best friend, levy mcgarden, for help. levy sits her down with a cup of hot chocolate and cookies. they talk for hours about sexuality and attraction; lucy sleeps over that night. the word that sticks out the most in her mind is aromantic.

lucy who gets drunk at a party and gets a little too close to cana, and suddenly they're in cana's apartment, making out like there's no tomorrow. lucy who feels guilt creep up in the morning because she knows cana and gray and loke have something going, and she might've just ruined it. lucy who tears up when cana laughs because she's so, so confused. cana's expression morphs into concern and she wipes away her friend's tears, warm skin on skin. cana who tells lucy that what she does with gray and what she does with loke doesn't restrict her from what she does with other people. "we talked about it, I promise." cana reassures her. then, leaning in with a sexy smirk on her face, she whispers, "besides, they're probably jealous I took you home first~" the rush of heat is enough to make lucy's mind go blank with joy.

lucy who shyly asks cana about her relationships and learns so much she feels like her head is going to explode. lucy who has a crisis about her storybooks and her ideal romances. she's never going to have that, she realizes. it feels like someone's scooped out her chest.

lucy whose feelings ebb and flow like the tide. she's not used to this. being so... different. her storybooks are scattered across the floor, thrown in an angry fit. her door is locked, but her window isn't, and that's how natsu gets in. "you okay, luce? we haven’t seen you in a while."

the dam breaks. lucy sobs in natsu's arms, and all she can think is that this is the exact type of hurt/comfort scene she loves in her stories. she wishes she were normal, so she could love normally, so she could love natsu the normal way and be done with it. she doesn't realize she's talking out loud.

natsu cups her face, onyx eyes boring into chocolate ones. he squishes her cheeks together, the way he does when he thinks she's overthinking something. and then, natsu breaks through her entire crisis with three little words.

"does it matter?" he furrows his brow. "you're lucy, and I'm natsu, and I care about you." "but- I don't feel romantic attraction-" natsu huffs, frustrated that lucy's not getting something that's apparently obvious to him. "luce. I care about you, and I trust you, and I want to take care of you and protect you. who cares about anything else?" lucy blinks once, twice, and then she's sobbing again. natsu panics, because he knows he can be blunt and dismissive sometimes, but lucy barrels into him, clutching onto his scarf tightly.

"you care about me?" she whispers in a child's voice. that's more important to her than anything. romantic, platonic, the gray area in between, none of it matters as long as natsu cares.

natsu tightens his grip, wondering who he has to pummel for making his girl feel that way. "course I care about you, dummy. I'd burn down the world for you. and so would erza and gray and cana and everyone else."

lucy who has a really hard time moping when natsu's there every step of the way, trying to cheer her up. erza and gray show up, too, and it's hard to stay sad when she's being tickled by erza while gray cooks dinner and kicks natsu out of her kitchenette.

lucy who feels the hollow fill with something warm and gooey when erza gives her a hug, confessing that she often has trouble figuring out how she feels about anything. lucy laughs when erza tells her about the shenanigans that have happened when she doesn't pick up on someone flirting with her but gray and natsu do. she feels all fuzzy when gray leans against her, telling her that he feels the same way. his hand plays with hers, and she thinks it's nice how well they slot together.

lucy realizes when natsu falls asleep in her lap, arms wrapped protectively around her waist. lucy realizes when gray falls asleep at her side, erza tucked to his chest. lucy realizes that her friends make her feel like she's on top of the world, and she doesn't need a fairytale prince when she's got fairy tail.

[fanfic-compass]

~Doubt~

George Weasley X Fem!Reader

Summary: Since the birth of their twin kids, George and y/n's love life has been dead. Both worry that the other doesn't finf them attractive anymore.

Note: Sorry for any spelling mistakes

The last three months have been exhausting for y/n and her husband George but also so fulfilling. Y/n has given birth to their twin sons Anthony and Alastor. Redheads, of course,just like their father. Their nights were filled with crying babies, dirty diapers and a lack of sleep but they absolutely loved their children and they would do anything for them.

It's been little over a year after the Battle of Hogwarts where everyone lost friends, family members and loved ones. But now they were a real family and everything was perfect. Well, almost everything.

The love life of y/n and George was practically dead. Y/n knew that it was normal not to have sex the first weeks after giving birth but still George never even made a single move to change that now and it started to worry the young mother.

She was scared that he didn’t find her attractive anymore. She gained weight and got stretch marks which was actually normal during a pregnancy but she still believed that George didn’t like her appearance anymore.

What she didn't know was that George was struggling with himself too. And naturally he came to his best friend and twin brother Fred to talk to him about his own problem.

“I tell you, it’s been so long since we had sex…” He explained, worried.

Fred sighed. “Is this about you gaining weight again? I told you it’s sympathy weight. Nothing unusual for a guy”

“I know… but still. First I lost my ear and now I gained weight… I can't even believe she is still with me. She's crazy, there is no other explanation.”

George tried to sound funny as always but deep down he was still worried.

“Maybe we should make a potion to lose weight. We could make a lot of money with it… and I could test it on myself.”

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and y/n entered. She gave George a quick kiss, this was the only physical touch they shared, apart from loosely cuddling at night.

“The kids are asleep right now…” She told him.

Actually she came to talk to Fred but with George in the same room, she couldn’t. So they sat for a while in an awkward silence until one of the babies started crying. George stood up and walked out of the room to take care of it.

“So Freddie… I need your advice” Y/n started quickly. “I… have a little problem right now… about George…”

Fred could already guess what it was.

“Well… I think that George doesnt find me attractive anymore.”

“And why do you think that?” Fred was curious.

“Because… i gained weight during the pregnancy, i got stretchmarks and… and since the kids were born we never… got a little… closer than just a simple kiss.”

Fred laughed. For him it was like one of those comedy shows on the muggle tv that y/n once showed him. But she didn’t find it funny at all.

“Perhaps you could talk to your husband?”

“But what if he tells me that he really doesnt find me attractive anymore? What if he only stays because of the kids?”

“Come on, y/n. He has always been crazy for you. Ever since we were kids. I have an idea. How about you two go on a date tonight?”

“And the kids?”

“I will take care of them. They love their uncle Freddie. After all, I have never met someone who didn't like me.”

“Uh… Umbridge?”

“The evil toad doesn’t count. But seriously, tonight you're gonna go on a date.”

Y/n sighed but agreed. In the evening she and George were eating at a romantic restaurant and they finally had time for themselves again. They talked about things that they haven’t talked about in a long time and it felt refreshing to be together again. After their date they got back home. Fred put a note on the door, saying that the kids were in his room and that he would take care of them in the night. Then he put a little smirking smiley at the end of the note.

George and y/n went to their bedroom and got ready for bed. George sat on the bed and y/n came in with a beautiful set of lingerie on. She sat next to her husband and caressed his thigh. He, however, backed away.

“Georgie… we need to talk.” Y/n said in a serious tone.

“Yes, i think we need to talk…” George agreed.

“Do you still find me attractive?” Y/n bursted out.

“Of course. You are the sexiest woman ever.”

“Then why do you seem so uncomfortable with me touching you?”

“Because…” George sighed. “Because I am not attractive enough anymore. During your pregnancy I gained weight. And on top of that I’m still missing my ear… I just don’t want you to be repulsed by me…”

“Darling… I love you. I could never be repulsed by you. You are so sexy and handsome and attractive and… I just wish we would… have sex again. I miss the feeling.” Y/n took his hand and sat a little closer. “I just thought with my stretchmarks and my weight that you were repulsed by me.”

“You’re crazy. I love you. You are so sexy… and you look like you do because you carried our children. That’s the most beautiful thing in the world.”

“So can we… maybe… tonight…”

George cut his wife off by pressing his lips against hers in a passionate kiss. They kept kissing for so long and after a while he lifted her up and sat her down on his lap where they kept making out and caressing each other like they haven't done in so long. And with that they reignited the fire that burned so low after the past months. And oh, how they needed that.

[wifetomanyfictionalmen]

“Wait me?”

Ray Stantz X reader ficlet

Warnings; none just toof rotting floof

————————

You had an extensive education. Psychology, science (physics, biology and chemistry) aswell as some more ‘niche’ studies including neuroscience and parapsychology. You had quite a deep understanding of the paranormal and occult, seeing it as nothing but a hobby, but when the Ghostbusters come around you realize you could actually make use of your PhDs and knowledge.

You stood infront of the tall and rundown building looking back at the paper. Yup this was the place, old Fire station. You peeked in before stepping in and going over to the reception desk. A dark red haired female looked up at you and she gave you a confused look before you explained why you were there

“I’m here about a job..I believe I can be of assistance to the Ghostbusters, I have proof of my PhDs and exam results..”

She hummed and turned around yelling for someone a man, no taller than you, pelted out of his office and vaulted over the border between the back room and reception. You recognized him as Peter Venkman. You’d never met him personally but you’d heard from students he’d had.

“Well hello, how can I help?” Peter gave you that signature smile and you rose a brow, how did women actually fall for him..shaking your head gently you held out the envelope containing all your certificates

“I’d like a job” your voice was surprisingly firm despite how shaky you felt. Peter looked it over and hummed impressed before smiling holding a hand out toward you. “Welcome to the Ghostbusters, follow me and Dr Stantz can get you all situated” you nodded and followed him as they reached some sort of garage. A pretty beaten up car was sat with the bonnet up and it looked as if someone was working on it, a small radio blasted out rock music, Peter turned the radio off.

“Ray! We have a new recruit walk them through the proton packs and stuff will you” he walked off before the poor man could answer. You gave him an awkward smile and wave. Ray wiped his hands and held it out, which you shook with a smile.

“Ray Stantz, I’ll try to explain the whole proton pack thing but we haven’t even had a test run of them yet” he rubbed the back of his neck. You chuckled and smiled gently waving it off “It’s fine Dr Stantz honestly, I’m just happy Dr Venkman took me on..”

He smiled gently “please call me Ray” he led you to the storage room where the suits and packs were kept. He explained it briefly, it peaked your interested quite a bit and you took in every word he said. You’d always been the same, attentive, friendly and hardworking.

It didn’t take long for you and your fellow ghostbusters to actually gain popularity, after the hotel everything seemed to be smooth sailing. Most of your time was spent in the lab with Egon and Ray, or in the garage with Ray. Venkman usually left you two alone in the garage teasing he didn’t want to interrupt two lovers bonding. You found it funny that he’d say that, considering you’d had a massive crush on Rag since day one, and little did you know that Ray felt the same.

Time seemed to fly by, you, Ray and Egons researched revealed more about Dana’s apartment and you and Ray spent even more time than you had previously. You had to confess but you were so scared. And she panicked when she was called and found out Ray and the others had been jailed. She rushed to the police station and told them you were also a Ghostbuster and if they were jailed you should be to.

Admittedly Ray found that downright attractive that you’d put yourself up there proudly claiming you were a Ghostbuster. Shortly after you were called in to the Mayors office. You stayed silent while the madman that had turned the grid off ranged (Egon had filled you in) and you hummed “Hold on. If what you’re saying is correct then it’s your fault, you turned off the grid releasing all the spirits and ghouls onto New York. And not to mention you blatantly ignored Dr Venkman”

The other four looked at you surprised and you turned to the Mayor “Now id listened to my colleagues before the whole of New York is destroyed and plunged into darkness” you stepped back and stood beside Ray his eyes never leaving you. God his heart was pounding even faster for you. Once the Mayor finally agreed offered a lending hand all five of them set off in the Ecto 1.

Fighting Gozer wasn’t easy, nor was it fun. Venkman taunting said cursed spirit. After Ray accidentally summoned a huge Stay Puft you stood beside him and fought bravely. With Stay Puft defeated and the gate closed you stood up with a groan covered in Mallow fluff. You were hugged by an equally covered Rays and you both laughed. After the two entrapped by the Keymaster and Gatekeeper you and the others headed down. You were holding Rays hand and he looked at you as people cheered.

What happened next you didn’t expect to happen at all, Ray tilted your hand up and kissed you gently. Your eyes widened before you melted into the kiss as everyone cheered, you swore you heard Venkman yell at Egon about owing him.

[slowcatsisland]

I love your Post about Laws ideal type. 💯😍Do you see him more with a boy or girl?

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A/N: omg I love this question sm bc regardless of what points I say it’s ambiguous and up to the audience’s interpretation and ultimately Oda’s however I seriously doubt Law would have a significant other in the canon timeline. Ty Ty for asking I had a ton of fun writing this out!

- I’m not religious and haven’t read the Bible so don’t attack me if I say smth improper about any of the sects of Christianity bc I’m using my preconceived and second hand knowledge abt it. if u think of smth pls comment and share ur thoughts w me I would love to be educated by another further respectfully ^^

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Trafalgar D. Water Law; Boy or Girl SO Preference?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

If you look at Flevance, they resemble a typical small Christian community, even if it isn’t explicitly stated. There were religious crosses, nuns, churches. There was most definitely a theme in Flevance’s religion about hope and the good in others, as the nun that Law sees says smth like, “There’s always a hand to help you.”

Flevance also had a high status of wealth (the whole diamond scheme) and the average cost of living/luxury of the average person was reasonably high. There vastly majority of the couple in Flevance were also probably traditionally monogamous, with one man and one woman.

I think if Law had grown up in Flevance his romantic interests would solely be focused on a female partner bc that would be the socially acceptable way and he wouldn’t view males in the perspective of a potential suitor. (Idk if this is recent interpretations of the Bible or not but it’s realistic to say that there would be stigmatism surrounding same sex couples in Flevance as most traditional believers of Christianity view same sex romantic relationships as ‘wrong ish’. At least where I live..)

However, the destruction of Flevance brought change to Law’s character and perception of love. Because of this and his loss of faith from this experience, I think adult pirate Law would be more willing to engage in a same sex relationship. (Would actually be a good writing moment made by Oda if it did happen imo but I digress)

I don’t ship LawLu, but I think Luffy is a real example of the type of person that could help Law heal and has aspects of what Law would need in a relationship. LawLu is good on a companionship/spiritual level imo but sexually/potentially romantically I do not see it at all being reciprocated by either Law or Luffy.

Just the fact someone like Luffy exists that had met Law is a good argument for Law being with a male, just not Luffy specifically.

Law’s significant other to me represents stability, safety, and humanity. This can manifest in people differently though so I don’t see him looking for something based on physicality.

Because of that I don’t see Law in canon having a preference between boy or girl for a partner. Perhaps a leaning towards female because that’s the traditional way of his hometown and in the One Piece world it seems like.

He’d need someone emotionally before he’d need them sexually imo, so if he found someone that worked for him and he was ready, that’s it no matter the gender.

Sexually he would probably be more attracted to females, and a lot of times sexual tension is mistaken for romantic tension but I don’t see Law acting upon either.

Hate to leave this discussion without giving u a definite answer anon but I just don’t think there is a definite answer yk.

My personal preference tho is him with a female because I see him falling for someone with a strong maternal presence. Yk little instincts and gestures they do towards him and the crew that sometimes make them sigh ‘okay mom’ while drawing out the ‘o’ in mom. Someone that reminds him of the feeling of safety and peace he felt as a kid in Flevance where his body wasn’t so tense all the time.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Hope u liked reading this and it helped u form ur own opinion on who you prefer Law with !

Mwah 😽

[sonics-atelier]

𝐀 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐖𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠

Summary: Nathaniel accidentally curses himself into confessing every embarrassing thought he’s ever had about Elisabeth—tragically, she finds it both hilarious and attractive. WC : 762.

a/n : Welcome to my first piece of writing for a book that has easily nestled it's way into my all time favorites. Hope you enjoy reading this and please leave your thoughts in the comments / reblogs, I'd adore that!

. . .

Elisabeth first suspected something was amiss when Nathaniel leaned against a bookshelf and sighed dreamily at her.

“That,” he murmured, “was a devastatingly elegant way to turn a page.”

She froze mid-sentence, eyes flicking up from the book in her hands. Nathaniel, sprawled in his usual nonchalant manner, had the expression of a man composing poetry in his head. Except he was staring directly at her.

Elisabeth narrowed her eyes. “What?”

Nathaniel blinked slowly. “What?”

“You just—” She frowned. “Did you just call me devastatingly elegant?”

Nathaniel’s lips parted slightly, as though he was just now realizing what he’d said. His brow creased, and he looked vaguely horrified. “I—no, I—” His mouth snapped shut. A second later, his eyes went wide with fresh panic, and he blurted, “Actually, yes, and also your hair looks particularly exquisite in this light.”

There was a stunned pause. Then, from across the room, Silas—who had been politely ignoring them as he dusted the spines of particularly old grimoires—let out a quiet, almost imperceptible sigh.

Nathaniel inhaled sharply. “Oh, no.”

Elisabeth set her book down. “What did you do?”

Nathaniel ran a hand through his hair, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like I am going to kill Florian. He turned a pained expression to her. “It seems,” he admitted through gritted teeth, “that I have been cursed with compulsive honesty.”

Elisabeth’s lips twitched. “That’s terrible,” she said, trying valiantly to suppress a smile.

“Don’t laugh. I am trying to be mysterious and brooding.” Nathaniel turned away, then immediately turned back, looking appalled. “Actually, that’s a lie. I haven’t been mysterious a day in my life. I just like when my coat billows.”

Elisabeth pressed her knuckles to her mouth, shoulders shaking.

“This is awful,” Nathaniel continued, pacing now. “This is catastrophic. You don’t understand—I never tell the truth. It’s practically a personality trait at this point.” He gestured wildly. “I keep a reputation to uphold, Elisabeth. This is ruinous.”

Elisabeth, having abandoned all attempts at restraint, was laughing outright now.

Nathaniel whirled on her, pointing accusingly. “Your laugh is a menace,” he declared. “It makes my heart feel like a trapped bird. It is a truly unreasonable thing to do to a man.”

She stopped laughing.

For a moment, there was silence, save for the distant sound of Silas quietly shelving books with the poise of someone who had seen far too much nonsense unfold in his lifetime.

Nathaniel stared at her as if the words had escaped without permission. His hand dropped to his side.

Elisabeth felt something tighten in her chest. “Oh,” she said, suddenly breathless.

“Oh,” Nathaniel echoed weakly.

They stood there, frozen in the golden afternoon light filtering through the library windows.

Finally, Nathaniel inhaled deeply and exhaled through his nose. “I would like it officially noted that I am going to kill Florian twice.”

Elisabeth shook her head, a smile curling her lips despite the warmth spreading through her ribcage. “You know, I think I rather like you this way.”

Nathaniel groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “Of course you do. Of course you enjoy my suffering.” He pointed at her again, clearly unaware of the fondness creeping into his voice. “You are impossible. Infuriating. Also, that dress is unfairly flattering, and I would very much like to kiss you but cannot, because I am an utter disaster and—” He clamped his mouth shut with both hands as though physically trying to contain the words.

Elisabeth, feeling approximately ten feet taller and entirely giddy, tilted her head. “Well,” she said, stepping closer, “the good news is, you don’t have to say anything else.”

Nathaniel lowered his hands just enough to give her a skeptical look.

Elisabeth leaned in and, in a rare moment of bravery, pressed her lips to his.

Nathaniel, to his credit, went very still. A second later, his arms slid around her waist, and he kissed her back with all the pent-up longing of a man who had spent far too long hiding behind sarcasm and theatrics.

When they finally broke apart, Nathaniel exhaled shakily. “Oh.”

Elisabeth grinned. “Oh.”

Nathaniel rested his forehead against hers. “I will never recover from this,” he murmured, and she could feel him smiling. “But if you must know, that was—without question—the single best thing that has ever happened to me.”

Elisabeth laughed softly, and for once, Nathaniel didn’t seem to mind the trapped-bird feeling at all.

. . .

- @sonics-atelier 2025 ( do not repost or reuse in any way, shape or form )

[vad-hander]

LET’S KEEP IT SECRET Pt.6

pairing: Jaehyun x reader x Yuta

others: SM Rookies, multiple SM and JYP idols

genre: series | idol!au | smut | angst | fluff | slow burn | unrequited love | friends to lovers (oops) | mutual pining | teenage to adults | idol!nct, idol!reader, teenage to adults (trainee days until today)

words: 5k

side note: as usual, I'll appreciate all your feedback and thoughts!

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7

“I think my childhood friend haunts me in my dreams.“ You stared off into the night sky on the balcony in your dorm. The dorm that was new and fresh and oh so comfortable, with air conditioning and what felt impossible at this point - less roommates.

It was just you and one more girl in your room and you couldn’t be any happier, because she did ballet classes as additional education and 3 days a week you had your room all to yourself for additional 3 hours. Since your’s and Yeji’s schedules were literally mirrored by now, you’d often spend those additional free hours on dance- or vocal practicing. It was one of those days and the two of you walked out to breathe in fresh air after sweating yourself on a SHINee choreography. 

“What?“ Yeji chuckled at the statement. It did sound a little funny, you had to admit, you did need to elaborate. 

“Yeah. I get absolutely not related to anything dreams and in those, somehow, there’s the same person, and I don’t even see their face, just like deep down  know who I am looking at.“ Your articulated with your hands. Thinking about those dreams made you feel funny, because they were projecting something you clearly didn’t feel. You couldn’t understand where all those feelings in your dreams came from and you couldn’t describe the feeling with any word but funny. “All those weird things happen in my dream and somehow when I wake up, and maybe while I’m dreaming too, I have this heavy feeling in my chest.“ You physically had to stop because you were starting to feel heavy once again. “Like I’m so deeply in love with them and in that dream world I know as a fact, that we’re attracted to each other and it’s like a crazy rollercoaster for us to be together, and sometimes it’s a happy ending sometimes not really. Sometimes I wake up before I can get to any logical ending.“ 

“Wah. Do you see correlation between dreams and what happened with you and that friend in real life?“ She smiled curiously. 

“No, we don’t even talk anymore, I haven’t heard of that friend or seen them in a long ass while, but I get these dreams literally out of the blue. Even if I’d purposefully think of that person - nothing, and then randomly one day I wake up and realise what just happened. Sometimes I don’t even remember my dream for a half a day and then randomly it hits me. And I get uncomfortable thinking of it.“ You pouted and took a look at Yeji. 

“It sounds a little crazy. I think I read somewhere we can see random people and things in our dreams. Not related to anything. Maybe your case is the dream isn’t related to anything. Or maybe your friend think of you and somehow call for you in dreams?“ She chuckled, trying to sound spooky or whatever.

“Well I feel like I’m being haunted.“ You admitted. You hated waking up everyday and thinking of Jaehyun. 

“Maybe you had those feelings for your friend back when you were friends?“ Feelings? For Jaehyun? Yeah, no. You almost said it out loud how ridicules the thought seemed to you. 

“I don’t think so. I had someone I actually liked-“ wow, this was a dangerous path, you had to be really careful with what you were saying. 

“Then maybe that’s how your friend felt? Was that a boy or a girl? What if that person misses you?“

“To be fair that’s not impossible, we did lose contact in a weird way, but he for sure isn’t thinking of me like that. There has never been even a hint on his side.“ 

“Why does it bother you?“ Yeji faced you properly, curious. You didn’t even know yourself, why it bothered you so much. It just did and you felt like it was safe enough to share those feelings with the girl.

“I don’t like feeling like I’m in love with someone when I’m not.“ 

“It’s just dreams. It’s not like you love each other, especially if you lost contact.“ She shrugged, she wasn’t bothered by what you were feeling and saying. You wished you could relate. 

“Yeah.“

“Just think of how would JYP react if he heard this.“ Yeji giggled, imagining your producers’ reaction. He had a specifically wild reactions to anything relationship related.

“I don’t want to imagine this. He’d most likely disown me in a second.“ 

“He’d literally flip out, and we wouldn’t want that. We both know what your real goal is. Don’t even think about it like that.“

“You’re right.“ You two paused, both in your own world. “Ugh, now whenever I get these dreams I feel like our producer’s going to pop out and scold me.“ You giggled, followed by Yeji. 

“Do you have this friends’ phone number? Maybe you should reach out and ask how he’s doing. Then you’ll understand these dreams are fictional, and could continue on with your life.“ 

“Wah-no, I wouldn’t call him. Nor text or even breathe his way.“ You panicked immediately. 

“Why?“ Well because it’s been a little under a year since your graduation and you haven’t seen him since then. Like, at all, and TV didn’t count. You were just ignoring his endless wish to continue your friendship and it hasn’t been too long since he finally gave in. You wanted Jaehyun to realise you grew apart, you wanted him to realise childhood friends go sometimes and you were two friends that took different paths. End of story. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t want to part ways, it doesn’t matter there was not even a reason for you part ways. You just felt so tired of this constant comparison from Yuta, and even worse in your brain sometimes of your boyfriend and friend. You had to let go of one, to make the other one, and more importantly YOU, make feel better. And you knew, that letting go of your boyfriend wasn’t the right thing to do. 

“We’re not friends anymore. I hate that sort of thing, popping out of nowhere when it’s unneeded.“

-

“Yuta?“ You chirped into the phone excitedly, you just got the news and first thing you did walking out the building - dialled his phone number.

“Yes, love, what’s up?“ He cleared his voice in what seemed to be confusion, like he just woke up or something.

“What date you said you’re going to be in LA?“ You started from afar, clearly excited and clearly having difficulties keeping yourself at bay.

“Ugh, I don’t remember. Wait a minute I’ll check our schedule. Why? Anything happen on those dates?“ you waited patiently for his confirmation, before you could tell him anything. “October 4th to 9th, why?“ Your breath hitched, you were too close to miss out on him. 

“I’m going to LA.“

“Huh?"

“With a few other girls, we’re going there to train for a couple of weeks before returning home for a final debuting decision. We’re coming on 6th. This is our first trip together just you and me kind of chance.“

“Baby, that’s awesome- Your debut-“ Yuta gasped and seemed much more lively than before. It was so sweet, that he was excited for you. 

“No, don’t say anything like about my debut before it’s set. I only care about both of us being in LA at the same time.“

“Okay.“

“I’ll look up things we could do.“

“Okay“

“I love you.“ You whispered under your breath excited. “This is going to be so good.“

“We’re attending some award on 8th and leave early on 9th, but other than that, I’m all yours.“ 

“Just one night?“ You were hoping for more, how did it come short to just one night, you pouted to yourself.

“I’m still excited even for one night. Love you, need to go.“ 

You didn’t just walk back home, you flew on hope and excitement and much more and you were buzzed and you went on with that buzz for the upcoming week, looking up things in LA, marking up places in Notes you could possibly visit, choosing options in case Yuta wouldn’t like your TOP-choice. You couldn’t think of what followed after that trip, you couldn’t think of the final decision on debut. You busied yourself like crazy, because it was pleasures being busy planning your date with Yuta and because it only felt right to focus on this. During practice breaks your brain still wandered to the main issue - it was you and 7 other girls, you all worked hard, you were all honestly worth the debut, but no one gave you even a single hint on the number of people in the final line up. You all just saw those papers saying Q1 2019 debut of a girl group and prayed you were part of it. It was supposed to make you feel better - less pressure to show off you skills, but honestly - everyone were on verge of breaking down.You only held yourself together because you went through this once already. 

You worked hard to erase previous memories, but you were scared. They still called you their backbone, secret weapon, main event and secret trainee, still told you were the centre of the planned group, but you won’t be able to crawl out of one more mental breakdown if things go south, you won’t be able to recover if this ends up as a fail too. 

Finally It came down to the packing day and right after that it finally came to the trip day. You got into the van and off to Incheon. None of you was sure if it was planned or a surprise for everyone - there were a few people with cameras at the Gate 2 entrance. All 8 of you panicked, you didn’t even understand what happened at first, looking around for some celebrity behind you, when the flash started to blind your little group. It took you a little time realising the cameras were pointed at you, you watched Yeji grab onto her face hidden behind the face mask and did the same in panic, lowering your head so the visor of your cap hid your eyes. You were just a bunch of girls that had a very questionable amount of supporters due to pre-debut activities, but mostly it was so low key you couldn’t even imagine someone gathering up to see you at the airport. Or more like, spending money on getting such information. The staffs gestured for you to move quickly and you trailed behind your manager like baby ducklings, finally escaping the following in the boarding area. Despite the shock, it somehow made the mood of everyone so light and positive. Neither of you could believe it was real - that people wanted to see you, you couldn’t stop daydreaming what would it be like leaving for schedules as a group, boarding in business, and not in economy like you had to now. 

You arrived at LAX safely and most importantly - calmly, getting into another van and transferring to what surprised you - a house. You weren’t used to this lifestyle, you all grew up in apartments, staying in a big mansion in the middle of the 2-story America made all of you excited.

“Wait, how many rooms is in this building?“ Lily wondered.

“Definitely more than in our previous dorm.“ Somi laughed and ran through the corridor. 

“Okay, listen up.“ The older manager clapped her hands. “There’s 6 rooms, since we have staffs on this trip, some of you need to stay in a room together.“ You and Yeji immediately grabbed each others hands. “There’s a 3-people room and a 2-people room mostly.“ Your fingers automatically grabbed Ryujin’s shoulder, forcing the girl to stand with you two, poor girl almost tripped over the bag behind her.

“We can share a room.“ Yeji announced what you implied and you nodded your heads in unison, Ryujin happily agreeing.

“Okay, go make yourself at home. Three weeks of hard work are upcoming. We have time to go out to the city today, so be ready to leave at 6.“ 

The three of you trailed off excitedly into your room. 

[17:02] to Yuta<3: <Location shared>

[17:02] to Yuta<3: I’m in the city!!!

[17:02] to Yuta<3: We’re staying in a cool west la house

[17:03] to Yuta<3: Wby?

[17:04] from Yuta<3: Ironically, koreatown

[17:04] to Yuta<3: kkkkkk

[17:05] from Yuta<3: I was thinking if we could see each other tonight?

[17:06] to Yuta<3: How do we make it work? 

[17:07] to Yuta<3: We’re going somewhere for dinner, I don’t think they’ll let me disappear on my own like that. 

[17:10] from Yuta<3: Send me your location when you’ll arrive 

[17:14] from Yuta<3: We’ll see what’s possible

[17:14] from Yuta<3: Love you 

[17:14] to Yuta<3:I love you

Now, despite the jet lag you wanted to look presentable, you wanted to always do your best when it came to Yuta. You quickly unlocked your suitcase, searching for a dress you packed just in case in 10s of training pants and shirts. You took a shower to feel fresh and packed a purse with necessities, earphones, tissues, a mirror, you found your passport, opening it just in case - your eyes darted towards its cover, where you always carried things like sim-cards, tickets, anything, to be fair, that fit. You pulled on a piece of paper and felt a lump in your throat. 

It was you and Jaehyun on your graduation day - his whiskers on display, just like you’d hoped they would. You didn’t need to look at the second piece of paper, it was the second photo of you staring at Jaehyun. You printed those to gift him back at the start of last year, but then everything changed and you just put them away and forgot they existed. You felt a little pinch on your heart and put the photos away back into the passport cover, pulling the one under outside and on top of the other.. You won’t have a chance to give him those anyway. You put your passport in the bag as well and was ready to leave. Finally both Yeji and Ryujin were done and you left the room at 5 minutes to 6, teasing collectively the manager that was late by 2 minutes.

As you promised, the moment you stepped foot in the restaurant, you sent Yuta the location. You were starving, deciding on eating first - walking later. You were just trainees, you didn’t have real money to dine at restaurants, so everything was company paid. You couldn’t stop talking between each other that company paying for a fancy dinner with meat and dessert MUST mean something. It just must. 

You were moving to dessert, when your phone ringed and you felt hot. You were so busy yapping with the girls and eating good food you forgot completely that you sent Yuta the address. 

[19:14] from Yuta<3:Come outside, will you?

Your legs moved faster than your tongue was able to tell everyone you left for the bathroom. You didn’t walk - you sprinted out to the street, your eyes immediately catching Yuta’s faded pinkish hair, you wheezed and a few people turned their heads at the crazy sound you made, taking off in his direction. Your arms immediately weaved around Yuta’s neck, you felt his palms encourage your legs to jump-hug him and you did so just how he wanted it. 

“Yuta.“ you breathed, your mouth clasping onto his before he could even say a word. “I missed you.“

“Hi baby.“ He smiled, satisfied that his surprise worked, that you were happy, that he was seeing you in real flesh. 

“What are you doing here?“ Your feet met with the ground once again, but you couldn’t unglue yourself from Yuta. “Girls and management are all inside. I can’t be here for too long.“

“I know, I just couldn’t go to sleep knowing we’re in the same city and not see you.“ You kissed him once again, immediately inviting his tongue to dance in unison with yours. You didn’t have time and you needed to drink up all of Yuta in this short time. It’s been a little too long since your last hourly motel-date and you needed more of him at all costs. 

“I can’t let go of you now.“ You whined in his mouth. “Can you take me somewhere with only you and me?“ 

“Mmh.“ Yuta’s fingers squeezed your side. “I will, I promise.“ Yuta pressed his body more against yours, you mewled, you didn’t want to move. You loved him so fucking much. “Do you have your phone? Or anything?“ 

“No, why?“ 

“Come inside and bring your things.“

“I can’t leave.“ You protested weakly into his ear. 

“I know, love, but can you?“

“I can’t promise I’ll return because this is going to be suspicious, but okay.“ You nodded and felt Yuta’s lips on yours, before he pushed you back to the restaurants entrance. 

“Baby?“ You turned around at the call “You look fucking beautiful.“ you beamed, biting on your cheeks and lips to calm yourself down before returning to the table.

“Are you okay?“ Yeji asked concerned. 

“Yes, just need my bag, a little something happened.“ You made your eyes wider and giggled and left before more questions could pop out. You quickly returned to the spot where you left Yuta, he smirked teasingly and kissed you once again, like he didn’t see you just a minute ago. 

“Can you give me your passport?“

“Yeah, hold up.“ You chuckled at the question, whatever he needed it for. You found the needed paper and handed it to Yuta. His fingers moved to the cover, looking for something in there.

“Where’s your ID? Isn’t it usually here?“ he chuckled and pulled on the pieces of paper that replaced your ID because you switched them in place just a couple of hours ago on accident.

“On the other side.“ You chuckled, and gestured for him to look on the other side of the cover. Yuta let go of the papers and moved his attention and you didn’t even realise before that you were holding your breath. You watched Yuta fish his phone out and take a pic of it. “Why?“ you smiled confused.

“Will tell you later.“ Yuta beamed, you wanted to kiss him, but your phone rang and you moved your attention to the screen.

“Hi, dad!“ You exclaimed excitedly and turned away from Yuta still holding on to your passport. If you turned back around just a moment earlier, you would’ve caught a glance of him pushing back the photos into the cover. “Yes, we’re in LA already. I forgot to call you, I’m sorry, we’re in the city having a dinner. I’ll send you pics.“ You smiled at your dad’s reply. Yuta smiled in return as he watched you speak, closing the distance, Yuta returned your passport to you, mouthing ‘I have to go’ and kissing your cheek before you could protest. He walked off so quickly and your dad called for you on the line and you could only focus on one thing so you just continued the conversation. “No, dad, it’s fine. The dinner is on company, I don’t need money.“ You smiled into the phone. 

“Y/n, is everything okay?“ You heard the manager’s voice behind you, jumping in place.

“Dad, wait. Ugh, yeah, my father called, I came outside to hear him better, I’m sorry.“ It was SO on time that Yuta left, you wanted to give a big breath out but couldn’t give yourself away.

“Okay, but dessert is served, come back quickly.“

“Sure.“ You nodded and finished the conversation with your dad.

-

[19:14] from Jeong Jaehyun: hi, boo

[19:14] from Jeong Jaehyun: I heard you are in LA too

[19:14] from Jeong Jaehyun: First of all, I’m so happy for you and this opportunity

[19:15] from Jeong Jaehyun: Second… I was just hoping you’d want to see me? I miss you a lot. 

Hundreds of electric shock waves ran through your body, you couldn’t even hear Somi calling for you to complete the formation. 

“Y/n?“ Yeji was able to bring you back to life, and you looked at her like dear in headlights. “Everything’s good?“

“Ah, yes, yes.“ You jumped up from the floor, dropping the phone back on the floor and focused yourself on the dance. You didn’t think you could do the new steps so clearly, your body moving like you had all the energy in the world, all thanks to Jaehyun. 

“Good, Y/n! Such clean steps!“ The choreographer exclaimed proudly as you did your centre part neatly. The music stopped and you had no escape to not reply to Jaehyun. It was always like this pangs of conscience hitting you hard if you didn’t immediately reply to him, and it was a whole damn asphyxiation of conscience when you didn’t reply of him at all. 

“Thank you.“ You bowed, smiled and clapped with the rest of the girl, sitting down right next to your phone

[19:55] from Jeong Jaehyun: Please at least let me know what I did wrong

[19:55] from Jeong Jaehyun: I feel so bad even though I don’t know what’s wrong

[19:55] to Jeong Jaehyun: Hi, Jaehyun

[19:55] to Jeong Jaehyun: I am in LA, I could only wonder who you could’ve heard this from ;)

[19:56] to Jeong Jaehyun: I heard from the same source that ya’ll are busy up to the day you’re leaving, so I’m not sure its possible

 [19:57] from Jeong Jaehyun: hi

[19:57] from Jeong Jaehyun: I’m free tonight, or after the award, or before we fly back home

[19:58] to Jeong Jaehyun: Well, I’m busy tonight, maybe tomorrow, I’m not sure

[19:58] to Jeong Jaehyun: I could tell you later

You really wanted to type him a no, but somehow your fingers weren’t moving in the needed direction of the letters, so you ended up with giving him hope.

[19:59] from Jeong Jaehyun: Busy with Yuta, right?

[19:59] to Jeong Jaehyun: Yes, why?

[20:00] from Jeong Jaehyun: He said he’s got a terrible headache and won’t be able to see you tonight, that’s why he told me you’re in LA

[20:00] from Jeong Jaehyun: So we’d keep each other company

You didn’t even bother to reply to Jaehyun, you didn’t bother to walk out the dance class, you dialled Yuta’s phone immediately, somehow being met with a turned off phone.

[20:01] to Jeong Jaehyun: Can you ask him to call me? He didn’t say anything about it

[20:01] to Jeong Jaehyun: His phone is off 

[20:01] from Jeong Jaehyun: He told me he’s going to just sleep

[20:02] from Jeong Jaehyun: He felt very sick earlier

[20:02] from Jeong Jaehyun: Maybe food poisoning 

[20:03] to Jeong Jaehyun: Are you pranking me?

[20:04] from Jeong Jaehyun: No, I’m honest

[20:04] from Jeong Jaehyun: He didn’t feel good since the morning and then just told me about you and got to his room to sleep

You dialled his phone once again, to no avail, messages, obviously didn’t come through. You felt so heartbroken, tricked maybe, just hurt. You were going though multiple things in your head at once. He didn’t even text you he felt sick, it wasn’t that difficult to type I’m sick, or anything else. He had enough strength to talk to Jaehyun anyway. You needed to hear this from Yuta.

You had a perfectly planned escape - Yeji would cover for you in case anything happens, bless her heart she didn’t even ask where you wanted to go and why. You had another 30 minutes to come back home, wash up and bring yourself to the designated place. Yuta had up his sleeve a whole day of being sick and didn’t message you even once. 

[20:05] to Jeong Jaehyun: okay

[20:05] from Jeong Jaehyun: okay let’s see each other or okay about Yuta?

[20:05] to Jeong Jaehyun: everything

[20:05] to Jeong Jaehyun: we’re in west LA, if you want to, come here.

[20:06] from Jeong Jaehyun: Just tell me what time

You looked at the clock again: 8pm, it would be not earlier than 9 when you’d be able to see him. 

[20:08] to Jeong Jaehyun: no actually

[20:08] to Jeong Jaehyun: A few of my friends & I really wanted to see the ocean so I think we’re going there

[20:08] to Jeong Jaehyun: You could come to Santa Monica

[20:08] to Jeong Jaehyun: I think it’s better you come with someone

[20:09] from Jeong Jaehyun: what time?

You felt so uneasy, why was he agreeing to everything. If you’d tell him you were in San Diego, would he just asked you for the time too? You wanted to make it late so he’d back off. You were so upset about Yuta, you couldn’t even bother to care about Jaehyun’s suggestions or questions. 

[20:09] to Jeong Jaehyun: 10 pm central entrance to the beach

[20:10] to Jeong Jaehyun: c ya

"Who you’re texting with that face expression?" Yeji giggled and bumped shoulders with you.

“What face?" Annoyed, angry, mad?

“I don’t know, just full of emotions.“ she smiled. You watched people walk around the room, in a formation that didn’t include neither Yeji or you, when the music blasted in your ears, you answered.

“Remember I was under SM for a little while?“

“Of course, few years, not a little while.“

“Yeah, like that. Well, somehow, some of the people I’ve trained with are in LA too.“

“Okay?“

“They’re asking to see me, I said me and my friends wanted to go to Santa Monica, so they’re coming to Santa Monica around 10 pm, so we have to be there around 10 pm.“ Yeji exclaimed excited. “Yeah, but how are we going to go this late somewhere alone.“

“I’ll just ask.“ Yeji shrugged and got up quickly to your manager, you really wanted to stop her before she could start talking, but she batted her eyelashes and in a moment you saw the manager give her a nod and Yeji happily ran back to you. “It’s fine.“

“H-how?“

“She said it’s near our stay and we’re adults, just to come back so we’re okay for tomorrows practice.“

“Crazy.“ You opened your mouth.

You stood next to the stairs that would take you to the beach, arriving a little earlier than planned. The three of you felt a little uncomfortable as a homeless man walked across the street and gave you looks you couldn’t distinguish. You invited Ryujin too, because leaving her in the room alone felt like crime.

“Oh, by the way.“ You cleared your voice and the homeless man stared at you with wide eyes, probably confused with the language you spoke. “I didn’t specify the friends that are coming.“

“Yeah, is it some girls that didn’t debut yet? Or is it Red Velvet?“ Yeji exclaimed excited at the thought.

“Ugh, no.“ you giggled. “Have you heard of NCT?“

“NCT?“ Ryujin repeated louder than you said it.

“Yeah, the friend that reached is an NCT member. I don’t know who he’ll bring with him, but please don’t flip out or anything. I promise you they’re all losers and being active idols isn’t making them any special.“

“What’s up, ladies?“ Johnny said loudly in English as he and the boys turned the corner that took to you. 

“Oh my god.“ both Yeji and Ryujin gasped. You almost did too, Jaehyun brought Johnny and Haechan, they were getting closer to you, walking in age order. Jaehyun, wow, you had to look away because you kind of was staring at your best friend and it wasn’t a good thing. 

“Hi.“ You smiled “This is Yeji and Ryujin, we’re training together. This is Hyuck, Johnny and Jaehyun.“

“We know.“ Both girls smiled like fools and you really regretted bringing anyone but yourself.

“Hi, nice to meet you.“ Jaehyun beamed politely, his dimples popping out and face turning into that soft grin as his eyes focused on you. “Hi, boo.“ He said loud enough for everyone to hear and make you a little embarrassed, only to make your face bright red colour when he decided to lean in and hug you, not forgetting to comment on your appearance. “You look very pretty, just as usual.“ His fingers patted your upper back and you lost balance. 

“Ah! Five seconds in and they’re already on their soulmate shit!“ Haechan exclaimed loudly and gestured for everyone to walk away. Surprisingly they did just that and Jaehyun let go of you a moment later. 

“Y/n never mentioned before she was this close to NCT!“ Ryujin pointed her hand towards Jaehyun, as they were darting away from you 

“We’re not that close.“ You denied, obviously, hoping they’re still able to hear you.

“Yeah, sure. You’re only didn’t come out from the same womb. As for everything else-“ Haechan teased back, obviously, it wasn’t his style to agree to anything anybody said.

“You don’t look like a baby anymore.“ Jaehyun smiled, taking your attention and not letting you hear what Haechan had to say. 

“And you still do.“ You cracked a smile, making Jaehyun giggle. “Is Yuta okay? He still haven’t messaged me.“ your main concern was still pretty clear, you were confused as hell with the way your boyfriend vanished. It was supposed to be you and him, not you, Jaehyun and other 4 people.

“He’s probably still sleeping.“

“Okay.“ You tried to hold back from looking down and giving away that you were upset but clearly failed, because Jaehyun’s fingers gripped onto yours in support. It felt so unusual, his warm long fingers on yours, a gesture that was with you all along your friendship. You’d grip onto each others fingers when you were upset, excited, happy, you used to just squeez his digits between yours and everything felt better. But now the heat that he was exceeding surprised you, its like you never experienced it in that way. 

“Boo, I’m so sorry, I know I wasn’t exactly who you wanted to see tonight.“ Jaehyun wasn’t a fool, it was clear he knew who this evening was booked for prior to him. 

“Don’t be ridiculous.“ You had to wave him off. Admitting he was right probably was too cruel even for someone that tried to make their friend dislike them. You wanted him to no t be interested in being your friend, not hate your guts. “I’m so happy to see you, I wish sometimes we still had each other like we used to.“ You admitted stupidly on a first breath, and wrapped your hands around his waist for a real hug, tucking your face in his chest. Jaehyun wrapped both your shoulders in his usual manner, patting your head lovingly. 

“Well, you failed to push me away. I’m still here and only one call away, always. Like I promised you on your last day at SM.“

“That I really hate you for.“ You murmured more to yourself, then him, hoping he wasn’t able to hear you. 

“Will you two move, or you’re having a date now?“ Johnny shouted teasingly from a far. Only now did you noticed the two of you two really lagged behind. 

You parted from Jaehyun, taking the stairs to catch up with the rest of the people, Jaehyun trailing behind you, his fingers wrapping around yours in uncanny manner, like he needed to hold on to you to keep up with your pace and you let him. 

-

I'm so excited for next Monday's chapter !!! ☺️

[sgojoenthusiast]

hi guys!! i need some help. if you read all this yap i love you.

i haven’t posted anything in a while bc i’ve been really struggling w my sexuality. this is going to come as an absolute shock if you follow me, but for the past year or so i’ve identified as a lesbian. however i am one of those lesbians who would kill for any of my pretty little princesses (my big, buff, 6’0 fictional men) and i absolutely LOVE to write fan fiction for them - which is somewhat apart of the problem.

i cant actually picture myself doing any of these things with a real life man but i also can't picture myself doing anything with a woman either. it's not that i don't like the idea i just can't physically see myself doing any of it and atp i can't really see myself in a relationship at all.

this whole thing started about a month ago, where i was introduced to another girl. the first night we met, we did stuff together (not rllt much) but i did feel a little pressured into it. the entire time i was just thinking 'when is this going to end' but not because it didn't feel good. we've been talking a lot (long distance) and she likes the same things i like (which is difficult for me to find) and she's kind and funny but i just can't seem to like her in that way. i've never liked any woman to the point where i can call it love so i feel like i can't call myself a lesbian even though i've never felt that way for a man either, but then again i don't really speak to many men outside of my family/gay friends.

i can see myself married to a woman more than i can see myself married to a man. i find men attractive and i find women attractive but i can't tell if i'm attracted to them, and seeing my lesbian friends with their girlfriends makes me so jealous because i want that i just don't know if i'm capable of feeling such strong feelings.

i've already decided that i'll talk to the girl from earlier about this once i've gathered the courage because i know it's unfair for me to string her along when i'm so unsure at the minute because clearly i'm unready for a relationship. like at one point my friend thought she was talking to another girl and if anything i just felt relieved.

on the topic of fan fiction, i know and understand that it is completely different from real life s3x & that it sets an unrealistic standard for these kinds of things which is why i love to write it. i love writing about that kind of connection and visioning a world with a love like that even if i do write it about men a lot. but when i take into account the real world and real men i'm completely uninterested and can only see that world with a woman but then i don't really ever write about women.

i love the idea of love and falling in love and i don't know what i'd do without it but then there's a part of me that thinks that i could be aroace because i can't seem to feel any of these feelings.

anyway, all this has stemmed from one girl and i can't tell if its just another failed attempt at a relationship or whether i'm not really a lesbian.

thank you for anyone taking the time to read this i appreciate it and would love for some advice. i know labels aren't important but in a community so divided as this one i feel like i need a space where i can feel more comfortable and with people like me.

[luckyqueenreign]

This season of LITG has so far been so good. I wonder what happened that forced them to push the update a week… because it’s clear this “meet the OG girls” was slapped together in the matter of hours and thrown up on the app. If you haven’t played it yet and want to know if it’s worth it….it’s not. We already know what all of the girls look like and the girls don’t really say anything new or interesting.

Here’s the gist of what all of the girls said..

Estelle: Alex isn’t the type of guy she normally goes for but she wants to try something new and she thinks he’s hot.. she can’t tell right now if just friendship vibes or more and she doesn’t wanna lock things in too early like Daphne and Raf. She thinks they come off looking forced. She loves all of the girls but Willow is her bestie… she mentioned asking alex about sharing a bed. I mean it’s a given on love island especially as an og, we’ve never asked to share a bed with someone so I thought that was weird.

Daphne: poor girl, she would benefit from some acupuncture and micellar water... I felt her reasoning for going after Cassius was actually so real. This is love island you’re supposed to explore your connections and attractions and for her to explore it with Cassius and see she didn’t feel anything I think is part of the process. What I found to be possibly the only interesting thing any of the of girls said was when she was talking about Alex she mentioned that he’s Raf’s bestie and that he would redo her kitchen cabinets but then she gets flirty and blushes and says “That’s not the only reason I like him” EXCUSE ME?!? 🤔👀 I wonder if they’re going to explore this at all or if this was just a random thing they added in to this super rushed update. I guess we’ll see.

Willow: she says she needed a break and her and Bryson aren’t really vibing. I’m sorry to the Bryson girlies but I get what she means, I kind of felt like he was a little annoying and it’s the reason why I couldn’t jump on his route 😬🫣 anywayyy Willow says she normally goes for business bros but it seems like it doesn’t matter what type of guy both types sucked, so she’s hoping for a new bombshell. Is it just me or isn’t Willow perfectly coded to have a friends to lovers type route with MC like a more new and improved Angie route??? Really hope they do bc the wlw routes def need some work. As for the other guys she thinks alex is a hottie, Joyo is gonna take her diving and eek she said it looked like Raf wasn’t that interested in Daphne before they left for casa.

Geri: I’m sorry but immediately I couldn’t focus on anything because they gave her the tiniest hands ever and it somehow makes her head also look bigger. Look at this pic of her and Daphne. Look at the hands!! The poor girls proportions are all off.

Ok ok back to what was said.. her connection to Joyo seems super physical and not much else. The things they have in common are all of the many places they’d want to bone and coffee. Basically she’s unsure of where her couple stands right before casa. She thinks Estelle and Alex are great for other people. She doesn’t seem them vibing or going very far. Daphne and Raf she thinks are vibing hard and she would be shocked if he twisted! This made me think if you’re on the Raf route she might be your enemy but on the Alex route she might be more friendly towards you. (I really hope they explore that) as everyone else has said Bryson is too much of a flirt that it’s hard to tell how he actually feels. She feels like there’s a spark missing with both Joyo and Bryson. She thinks every girl but Daphne is going to twist!! But she mentions we can’t forget history could repeat itself and Daphne could end up twisting too. It would actually be exciting if they had all of the girls twist too BUT I’m thinking that, that would mean no more bombshells for the rest of the season because we would be getting four new boys at once. I doubt they would throw more bombshells in for an already shortened season.